fargo
i can see that blue room in fargo north dakota
with an american flag draped over a basement window
it’s a soldier’s room, got sent away
we stayed up for days in the summer…
on merazine
and ephredine
and benadryl
dramamine
and ketamine
and nyquil
dextromethorphan hydrobromide
and the light shining in through the window was golden
and the days stretched out as far as the horizon
and you could see the dust float like sparkles in the air
rope
i’ve seen the sound of angles
i’ve heard the sound their wings
he said that i was judgement
you know i’m everything
i’ve heard the sound of trumpets
you know the sight their wings
he said that we are judgement
you know we’re everything
i’ve seen that light
i’ve seen that light above me baby
and the rope
i’ve seen that hole above me baby
and the rope
i’ve heard ‘em calling calling
i’ve heard it 6 below
i’ve heard em calling calling calling calling calling calling calling
i’ve seen the light above me baby and the rope
i’ve that hole above me baby and the rope
(we are the rope)
i know the side of angels
the terror in their wings
the slow drown of a life worth living
the bite of wedding rings
the weight of a beautiful home
you’re looking down that long hallway
it’s white. you can see it,
but what does it say?
fake july
(e. buchla)
when we die a never-ending summer
a merciless july when our savior slides down the mountainside
bringing down our houses
if you remain firmly believing in every single word
they will take you with them
you can smell that desperation like a huge sick bird
the promise of salvation hovering overhead
when we die they fuck you so completely, fake july
circle round never quite touching down
cast your first vicious stones at the sky
fake july
a short man
hair thinning
shot glass clutched forgotten his left hand
leaning against the door
young lady
discovers a hole in her coat pocket
suspects a thief
says something to the wrong person
you were not born into salvation more than any of us
white like heaven
was it white like heaven or dark like space?
was it bright like god or ace black spades?
i was sitting
i was sitting at the table and suddenly i could see it
and it was just like the movie and i couldn’t move
cuz i could see the cracks in everything
in every little thing
and it was like the time that we were in your car
i was sick
i was on drugs
you were smoking pot
and we were driving
we were driving
we were driving
and suddenly i could see it
i could see it
i could feel it and…
i saw the world break open
i could see all of it
i could see for thousands of miles in every direction
every direction
looking up
looking out
and i saw thirty seconds turn into 10,000 years
and it was horrible
i saw the man outside walking his dog mowing his lawn
and the kids out in the yard
and i knew right then that she was gonna have another baby
let it grow up in front of the tv
eat maccaroni and cheese
and the dog will bark in the yard on a chain
and the kid will huff gasoline and rape a girl while she’s passed out on the sofa years and years and years later
and i know that i could never stop it even if i tried
even if i wanted to
even if i wanted to
and i really, really, really wanted to.
and is it white like heaven or dark like space
is it bright like god or ace black spades
when it burned
(e. buchla)
when it burned my throat
it did not kill me
as i’d hoped
and when the fever broke
it was as violent as i’d hoped
subside
(e. buchla)
my sleep had fled, the shivers would not subside
i could not speak to you directly
inside a suffering spacesuit some pressing issues remain
which hand or whose intention has been moving here tonight
i must have missed it
there’s nothing innocent
clawless
you were clawless, fangless
you were the only thing a gambler needs
you were flawless entertainment
you were the apple falling from the leaves
when every body gathered round him
you were the only one left to believe
you were clawless and fangless
advice
(cheryl henke)
i think that people like her, me, you–if we don’t have something that gives us some joy, that gives us some creativity, that gives us some outlet, you will become an addict. and it isn’t the dumb people that it happens to. yeah, there’s a lotta fuckin’ losers out there, who smoke pot every day and they’re yo-yo. but there’s some brilliant minds out there that have been destroyed and mine was one of them. i mean i’m still here, but oh! what i could have done erika! i pictured myself standing up on a podium talking to thousands of people, and being inspired to say the right things, that they would hear me.
cherylee
she is crying at the kitchen table
saying i can’t stand to think about
the way i let those men touch me
i can’t stand to think about
the way they touched me
i can’t even see their faces anymore
but i can’t stop thinking about
the way they had seen me
oh can’t stop thinking that i should’ve been waiting for you the whole time
if i’d known you were coming into my life
i would have been waiting for you the whole time
you gotta look it in the eyes and say that i don’t believe
you gotta hold it underwater so you’ll see where it bleeds
you gotta stare into the mirror until you name this disease
you gotta know
you gotta write down all your symptoms even though it’s obscene
you gotta stay there under water till you get yourself clean
you’ve gotta keep on going till you feel finally free
you gotta look it in the eyes and say that i don’t believe
you gotta look up at the water till you can’t hardly see
you gotta keep on walking you’ll forget about me
you’ve gotta know
